closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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