On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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