Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
