Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
