also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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