guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
