I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
