Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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