home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
