it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
