I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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