Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
