So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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