You made me cry and you don't even care
Your mouth is God's brothel.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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