I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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