im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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