i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
