Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
