What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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