better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
