the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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