I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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