i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
