i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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