A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
