I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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