A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
