I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Still dying that you shit outside
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
