When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
