i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
