She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
