I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just gift wrapped bread.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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