Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
