nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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