Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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