mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
