it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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