My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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