She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
