dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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