My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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