Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
