He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
