Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
