you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
