Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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