can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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