Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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