i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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