I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
