not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
