I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
