i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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