Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
