At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
