Ambien. No doubt about it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
