$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
