Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
