I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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