I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
