My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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