She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
