he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
