Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the condom got lost in my hair
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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