1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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